it's me

pick it up put it down

2/27/2024

i didnt finish my prev entry but i want to mess around here lol

it's me

the above image is from discommunication, by the same author as mysterious girlfriend x. this character shows up once as a small gag. they are among a small number of other images and characters that i'd say i identify strongly with. others include that one panel of peco from ping pong and that two headed ghoul halloween costume i saw at the store once.

2/22/2024

I really regret not doing an entry for winter break. i binge read dorohedoro, yokohama shopping log, dai dark, children of the sea, maybe more. but my impressions of them are no longer fresh, even though they're definitely series that will stay with me for the rest of my life. right now the dungeon meshi anime is airing, and its very good even if i cant help but feel the loss of some of the jokes, and the general awkwardness of adapting the episodic earlier chapters into anime episodes. right now im so tired from tutoring and classwork. some of the most busy weeks of my life. ive been playing sgm when i can i guess. i just beat no mercy parallel realms for the first time earlier today, so thats an achievement. you know what im going to try to do my usual thing even though itll be awkward.



INPUT

DOROHEDORO

i first heard about dorohedoro a very long time ago, when i was getting into golden kamuy. i tried so many times to get into it after that, and after finally sitting down and just reading all of it, im so glad i didnt give up. all of the characters are charming, the worldbuilding and humor are so over the top and violent and ridiculous and horny without detracting from the emotional core or narrative weight of the story's events. the gritty art and designs are iconic as well



YOKOHAMA SHOPPING LOG

the very tranquil and sweet chronology of a fading world. not just a feel good slice of life series; the transience of the world and the beauty in it are sensitively displayed.

10/28/2023

jesus christ on a stick. i have specific things i wanna write abt in the next section

INPUT

Alice in Hell

another jiro matsumoto series. was recommended as one of his best, and i can see why. i think above even matsumotos work this is not for ppl sensitive to fucked up shit. it touches on some really interesting themes that i want to connect to the next thing i wanna talk about

Serious Weakness

funny viscerally gory and horny. trianon getting dragged thru metaphorical hell with insul and coming back out was such a journey. i read this one after alice in hell, so when insul was dressing up trianon i immediately thought of shuu and his dad. and insul's school shooter bible and shuu's sniper's paradise in the middle of the desert parallel each other too, how they spell out how both of them are mired in their childish dreams of violence, of being at one end of a gun and the whole world on the other end. trianon and shuu both vandalized as people, molded by their abusers, except trianon pushes back and shuu pushes it outward onto alice, a passive feminized doll like he is a passive doll. shuu is several years younger than insul and trianon, so some of the immaturity esp sexually naturally comes from that. then again after the time skip he's the same as ever and the same age as them. i could write a whole essay on this tbh but i'll leave my thoughts here for now.


disco elysium

i kinda started replaying it but i didnt even get thru the first day lol. i want to play more but idk about what builds i want to go with.


sb comics fair 2023

i havent been able to get many comics but i really enjoyed world heist by linnea sterte and pinball wizard by pavina. world heist was just pure magic. linnea is so so cool. and pinball wizard was so funny and i loved the cartooning and the struggle. there were others but i dont feel like talking about every thing



balming tiger - january never dies

i didnt sit down and listen to the whole album after it dropped since i was in just horrible condition at the time, but i love all the singles they released from it beforehand.... i love their mvs and the versitality of their sound and how fun nd unique their shit is



OUTPUT

still thumbing things out for eventual rj reboot/continuation. im enjoying exploring things i initially put off.



LOG

everything has been so insane i cant even say. i hung out wih js after not seeing or talking to them in a long ass time. i should txt them again lol. i was freaking out about her for so long but reaching out to her fixed that with shocking ease.



work had a rocky start but i think things are going to be good. i wish prep didnt take so long for me but oh well

in a year i'll be safe.

9/2/2023

ough

INPUT

i replayed deltarune i guess. i beat jevil. thats cool. um...



OUTPUT

uhhh i uhhhhh uRGHHHH i hjfklsadfj;dskaj;f

LOG
7/25/2023

i forgot to date my prev entry so i put an approx date based on the manga screenshots in my camera roll *laughing* three weeks is a long and short time.

INPUT Prokaryote Season

was looking forward to reading this... this expresses some things that resonated pretty strongly with me but also some things i feel like i missed my chance to relate to. leo fox's dreamlike artwork and storytelling, the humor, so good.


The Rabbi's Cat

wonderfully expressive and clever animation and storytelling. very charming characters. the cat is a silly little man


redline

really fun and over the top. listened to the soundtrack before watching the movie too lol. going in i was expecting fun and cool action but there was also all the personality and charm the world and other characters had, i didnt expect to be as charmed as i was by the secondary cast


Witches, daisuke igarashi

similarly to Ichikawa Haruko, i was first exposed to daisuke igarashi thru the manga hokusai manga exhibition. there was this huge wall scroll(?) type drawing he did. both that first piece of his i saw and witches, a collection that spans time periods and locations, reflect a deep dedication to observation of the world that celebrates life and curiosity. igarashi is another powerhouse of drawing, and of storytelling. my favorite stories were the one about going to the moon and the one about the girl who goes on a journey to an island.


OUTPUT
artfight

a handful of sleepless nights, one or two attacks im not satisfied with, but i think i did good this year. i experimented with some of them and came away satsified with the results, i feel like i pushed myself artistically while having fun, and im almost caught up on revenges.


i've been thinking nice and hard about other things i want to make but i am mostly sitting around doing other things.


LOG
skullgirls mobile

due to devs marieposting and teasing new game mode i picked up the game mode again. the new game mode, parallel realms, is a pain in the ass. not really worth getting back to grinding but i do really want to keep working on my collection again hahahahahah


housesitting

after like three weeks ish of scrambling around and mom hell im back for real at home. hooray. i ate plums, i fucked up my sleep schedule, i locked myself in a room for a day, i cooked, i drew pictures. we got some nice tea


driving practice

mom introduced me to a as a guy who she knew from the gym, who knew how to do a backflip. he showed me a video of himself doing a backflip and everything. i appreciate him taking time out of his schedule to teach me lol, he's a good teacher. we even went on the freeway for the first time the other day. i also drove dad's car to rancho, and ben's car to some burger place near l xp. the road is so beautiful from the driver's seat


i still hate that im on my phone and that i have all these library books i checked out and books i bought but im going online instead of reading them. id like to update this blog more often maybe too. i keep eating little snacks and being a mess with no job. i will have my license soon and im filling my resume out. so things are happening anyway. peace and love on planet earth

6/24/2023

read freesia, reread jyoshikohei by jiro matsumoto this week. helping mom housesit at a's house, ie the house that nick and amanda's house is based on. being home from davis is weird. updating this blog is weird. it feels wrong writing on this blog again, like writing in an old notebook halfway filled from a year ago. technically its only been a few months or whatever but the last real entry felt like eons ago. its like having a gap in my memory if i dont write down what was missed even though its all there just in other places. anyway even though dealing with mom was rough at first by thinking about things i dont want to do in terms of, this is a task i have to complete, so here are the actions i gotta take, then i can do it. i think reducing things to actions will be helpful in the future. just the mechanics.


INPUT
Blacksad

read this one really quickly so like idk. the art was really expressive and the storytelling was very compelling. i get what ppl were saying abt the male vs female character designs though. first story reminded me of frank miller's sin city

Freesia, Jyoshi Kohei

two works by jiro matsumoto. violent and horny, often misogynistically so. rough scratchiness and striking and impactful draftmanship, character design, and composition/shots. i liked jyoshi kohei more -- the setting, characters, and writing were more charming/interesting to me -- but i appreciate the dreamlike quality of freesia and how the psychological stuff was handled.


steven universe

watched it just to see what all the fuss was about. i enjoyed parts of it and i see why ppl are so into it but it def had wasted potential. also very much for kids.

The Works of Ichikawa Haruko

i sought her work out bc i got curious about the old pics i had of her oneshot from the manga hokusai manga exhibiton. this collection was interesting, and i like her use of negative space and her compositions. the recurring motifs in the transient lives of rare/alien/supernatural creatures was what interested me the most about the stories themselves. how she approached the unconventional familial relationships in her stories was very hit or miss. incest.... ehhhhh



OUTPUT

the only notable things were finishing ch 3 of realmjumper, and the annoyance of reworking the [][][] poster for the new client. they still havent paid me except for the two free t shirts. i should email back.



LOG

the beginning of spring quarter was a huge mess bc i had to manage trying to get into waitlisted circuits class while also attending my backup GE (medieval studies) and other three classes. i ended up not getting into eec10 circuits, dropping medieval studies bc i immediately fell behind, and just had my remaining three classes. literature was stupid and a boring slog but easy, physics was the same as last two quarters, data structures/algorithms was panicky but ultimately not that bad despite a hated professor and unclear grading. the TAs and txtbook were a big help. i guess the mice infestation happened beginning of april which was funny until it was gross. i spent a lot of time being cagey about talking to js at physics lecture but it is what it is.

ive been home for like a week. its been chaotic but boring. i dont know. i didnt want to write about things, so i didnt, and i still dont want to put them on the blog. so bye for now

5/23/2023

i havent updated this blog in a while not for lack of things to talk about or even maybe things to say, but i didnt feel like saying it. but now i have something i cannot help but say. i want to cease to exist. i cannot keep being a person. i cannot keep being looked at. i cannot keep being in other people's lives. i cannot keep hurting them. i cannot keep being a burden and a nuisance. i want it to stop. i want it to stop. I want it to stop. I want it to stop.

3/7/2023

oh god oh fuck finals? what? i still have a midterm this week? huh? anyway usual format whatever

INPUT
A Young Bride's Story

the art is both lush with details and very technically strong. i found myself endeared by all of the characters (some more than others) and i like the slice-of-life approach the author took. im not an expert on central asian culture so i cant speak to the accuracy of everything but it feels like the author takes the setting seriously without otherizing a commonly stereotyped set of cultures. although the 8 year age gap btwn amir and karuluk sounds bad on paper imo its handled with sensitivity here; there's mutual respect between them and there's the understanding that amir is patiently waiting for karuluk to mature. my favorite character was pavira, shes just like me fr, awkwardly curt and anxious characters are my life, the struggle is real.


other manga

after i read brides story i reread a bunch of other manga so here is the rundown.
ran and the grey world, bc bride's story reminded me of it. art still good, still found it charming despite its flaws.
golden kamuy, went thru it in like two days, still as entertaining as i remember. one thing i admire abt it amongst everything i love about it is how the sheer strength and vigor of all the fighting scenes is accompanied by precisely detailed gore and/or slapstick comedy. also tsurumi's development as a villain is a lot stronger when im reading the series in one go, as opposed to thinking, "oh hey the funny forehead plate guy had a tragic backstory or something".
yotsuba, truly every day is the most enjoyable day.



OUTPUT
[][][] Festival Poster

submitted a poster to the [][][] poster contest. i was just barely aware of it until like 3 days before the deadline, at which point i idly took a look at their instagram post, thinking, "what the hell kind of theme is that" and in my confusion as i mulled it over i ended up drawing concept sketches and throwing together an entire illustration + hand lettered poster, as practice, you see. im very satisfied with the work i did. it turned out good and fun

linocut printmaking

done with all my intaglio work yesterday (good riddance) and finally we're at the final project. no only do we get to do linocut relief, we're also doing a suite exchange (the class is being divided into 2 groups, so i have to do an edition of 16!). we had to choose a theme, but we couldnt decide btwn "home" or "mythology". prof s literally made an announcement that the theme is "home or mythology or mythological homes". i suggested mythology in the first place so i chose to do a linocut of the minotaur with flowers, inspiration from ferdinand the bull. I cut my plate so i could jigsaw it together: there's a partial border that looks like the labyrinth and the central image area, which has the minotaur. the central image area is small enough to print on its own on the leftover 4x5 paper from the intaglio project too.

LOG
dinos

after a delayed discord reopening, the hunt resumed! im so close to having one from every month but im probably never going to get jan/winter dinos, the window just passed with march's arrival. now there's just the special event ones but i doubt i can manage those. not really interested in buying any either; the scavenger hunt is the whole point.

fart

club had two outings recently: the msrm museum and horses. both were fun and s.'s energy really carried, but i def embarassed myself in front of everyone by just plain being an awkward asshole, and stuff like that just drains me. nevertheless i got to see cool stuff, like that foal and his mother.

2/23/2023

digitally made a cheat sheet for compsci, since i had to turn in my prev handwritten one and this exam and the final are cumulative. for flexibilty's sake i did it in krita so i could add text and rearrange things at will. and what the hell, i ended up doodling in the margins too. printing it out felt strangely satisfying. i made that! that hot mess, that's mine! it's the closest ive come to making a zine lol. somehow the fact that zines are made to be printed out and distributed, plus the tiny format, scared me from making them despite knowing how. i liked folding and tearing paper, and i used to make those tiny accordian folded notebooks too, but making something worth the paper it was printed on and showing to people felt intimidating. id immediately overthink it. but after this i think id be able to do it and have fun

2/21/2023

thinking about migrating this site off neocities. thinking about some fucking twitter thread that was a repost of a reddit thread from teachers talking abt students not knowing how to fucking read anymore. thinking about how this week and next week and next week are all midterm panic weeks. thinking about old projects again, thinking about how much stronger i could be if i stopped overthinking how clean i can work and drew more traditionally esp comics. thinking about mom suggesting that i study abroad in china, and art specifically.

i went back to look at old art and i just cant work how i used to a year and a half ago. i cant push myself like that rn bc of school. but what if i did, what if i could. but im so tired. but im doing so well.

2/16/2023

finised all my midterms last week which of course means that it's almost time for midterms again (i have one a week from now, and two weeks from now, and three weeks + a day from now). quarter system moment. its the thursday before a three day weekend so lectures are looking a little sparse. its been a hot second since ive done one of these but ill try to fill the gap as best i can.


INPUT Dungeon Meshi

dungeon meshi is crazy good this month


ok but for real i am rereading it as well. i appreciate how kui draws faces and gestures etc more and more on revisiting her work. the newest chapter is stunning as well, both in the big blowout illustrative parts and the little details in the new laios design, laios expressions, the winged lion stuff



Kerascoet's Beauty and Miss Don't Touch Me

idk why i didnt include these in the last one, since i read beauty back at the sunnyvale library. hmmm. same artists as beautiful darkness, which i read a very long time ago. very strong cartooning and delightfully twisted, callous character writing. i liked the characters and plot of Beauty more (that last third of Miss Dont Touch was so painful to read), esp claudine and what's his face's relationships and individual arcs.



Shimeji Simulation

finally sat my ass down and read it. the whimsicality and tone never felt bogged down by the pseudoscientific worldbuilding, and the progressing absurdity felt natural. likeable characters also. very nice :)



OUTPUT Intaglio printmaking

new project: edition of 5 intaglio prints + ap of relief roll + ap of chine colle. I finished my edition of 5 today despite everything (restarting on the back of my plate) so i just need to do my artist proofs now. theres also the collagraph edition of 2 that prof s introduced today but that i can worry abt later. i dont think i like intaglio all that much tbh but maybe if i got the chance to actually get the hang of it or if polishing and buffing the plate didnt suck so bad I would love it.

LOG
purchases

i had to get a new backpack and thing to carry food in after my tupperware shattered and my backpack zipper broke. i bit the bullet and got a new water bottle too. i cant help but feel guilty for anything less than the most essential purchases, but i do think having a water bottle is making things so much better. im not buying sugary vending machine drinks when i get thirsty and i feel less like shit. i do like my new backpack a lot too; it looks like the one i initially designed for __ so i can use it for reference or something

basement gallery

the art department had an exhibition themed around childhood nostalgia, and since the opening was conveniently right after art club, I and z and some other ppl went to look at it together. that is until we walked in and i immediately wandered off. its crazy how easy it is to lose a group of like six people in one room; it was crowded but not that crowded! I recognized some ppl from printmaking class there, including one of the pieces, which id seen my classmate working on in the print studio.

ms talk: cecelia alemani

for printmaking we either have to visit an exhibition or a visiting artist talk and write a response paper. there was one earlier this week so i skipped cs lecture to see it not knowing what to expect. cecilia alemani, the italian curator, talked about all the exhibitions she worked on over her career there. seeing all the images she posted and hearing her talk made me wish I couldve experienced all the work she was discussing fully! i had never fully considered the role of a curator too much but hearing her discuss how she put together all her exhibitions and seeing her walk us through the biennale exhibiton she curated and how she put her ideas together gave me a newfound appreciation for the advanced logistical and conceptual work curators have to do. just looking at the pictures in the slides and hearing her hurriedly talk about her inspirations and ideas made me feel wonder and excitement. thats insane

1/19/2023

think I'll stick to the same format as last time, with an additional section.



INPUT Junkhead

A nice romp thru a bleak post apocalyptic underground society. more fun than i thought it would be based on inital recommendation(s) from j, delivered on the atmosphere and intricate stop motion world. i love this shit. side note i was watching this right as we entered the new year. good way to turn 20 years old.



NOPE

good movie. jean jacket is very scary but very cool. love a good creature. not to mention the excellent character writing and how it drives the plot. the gordy sequence will haunt me. the star lasso experience scene, too, but the tension of gordy scene makes it more impactful to me idk.



GET OUT

watched this after watching NOPE since like. might as well. also good but it pales in comparison to NOPE; rod the tsa guy was eh. the acting was good though





Gray Folie's Dropout, Fresh Meat

good colors. great control over pacing and all of the writing hits hard and feels natural and isnt a slog to get through despite most of the comic being talking. i wouldnt say all of the characters are likeable but their interactions are satisfying to read. idk i cant do it justice here im literally in a lecture with the guy behind me coughing in my ear.



OUTPUT

monotype printmaking

first assignment of intro to printmaking. ive only made like two good prints so far, both found object stuff i did during open lab hours while skipping lecture. i used leaves and a latex glove for a reduction print and an addition print. when i first put the glove thru the press i didnt flatten it fully, and the trapped air made a pop! as it went thru. this created a really interesting effect with the ink but the ghost print i got out of that didn't print all the way to the edges bc i didnt make sure the paper was smaller than the inked surface, and i accidentally printed on a side i wrote my initals on.
when we first got to try trace monotype after the first demo i did ok with those small experiments but i havent been able to replicate or improve on those results really, mostly bc i was using the thicker western paper i guess. hopefully i can start printing the stencil monotype i started working on today, during work time in class there was no space for me to set up literally anything. i will be printing a lot during open lab hours for this class i think. i like it better that way.



realmjumper

while building up my buffer i've made and thrown away two complete pages now just because of pacing issues or weak art. in the end the pacing and writing is still shit and the drawings will never make up for that. im too obsessed with making nice pictures, but not enough to be good at it. just kidding theyre great pictures. if they werent id be able to let go of making them and actually make the comic good

LOG

i told myself on tuesday that if i could survive my thursday schedule today i could stay in my printmaking class. im still alive so far so hoorayyy. we'll see if it lasts. i may or may not drop lin alg if prof. pckt. continues to suck. maybe if i study from the txtbook.
ive been making curry. yum. ive been using bell pepper and half an apple in addition to the recommended potatoes, carrots, and onions, and ive been using red onions instead of yellow. i'll need to buy more ingredients soon if i want to keep making it. i originally bought it at trader joes since i was in the area after the board game night meetup for g. bnkr.

saw js at lecture today. the world is small but the gaps between ppl are large. didnt get a chance to say hi and if i message her again it'll make me seem like a stalker. oh well

12/30/2022

I'll stick to what's easy to talk about here for now, to what's like what i've already been talking about, because everything else is not worth mentioning, even inadvisable to dwell on or post online. I'll separate this into "input" and "output"

INPUT

Patricia Taxxon's "The Flowers of Robert Mapplethorpe" wonderful and devastating. had me enraptured and crying. excellently made, first half is full of bangers, second half is an expertly crafted emotional bomb.

Paddling Down (The Repeater Corpse Conundrum) captures the voice of Disco Elyisum perfectly, great realitybending mind meld stuff. love this kind of story so much, love the atmosphere of the setting, and especially love the character work (mostly, the Wirral section felt out of place imo?). i love benthic zone

news of transformations very unique voice and literary storytelling sensibilities combined with simplistic stylization which builds a rich visual world. another body of work that combines two things im a sucker for lol.

rxcovery replayed it yesterday. for reasons described below. still a fun game thats great to mess around with. oneshot dr yesp and dr also, as well as rxcovery herself with a fun interation. turns out the 3x attack from guarding applies to Soixante's FDx. the damage from this compounds with BubbleBurst debuff. actually im not sure what happened exactly but it was fucking insane and thats my best guess lolol



OUTPUT

Planet of Love im making an Utena fancomic based off the Richard Siken poem Planet of Love. When I first read it, it immediately reminded me of Anthy and Akio. i consciously chose to make it not like my other comic work, i dont think i could handle doing something like what ive been doing before for this project, and it wouldnt be desirable or suitable for this project imo as well. to me this project is basically like a comic equivalent of an AMV set to a overdramatic lyrically dense song, if that makes sense, and im trying to get at that feeling (as well as the movie allegory present in the poem itself) by borrowing from the framing and format of the show itself. so all the text is formatted like subtitles and im referencing the intertitle framing from the show, and there's stuff with letterboxing mattes as well. like in pootis engage lol. im actually using color too, even if its a monochromatic color scheme. even so, adding red, working on a bg that isnt pure white, using soft and loose shading/blending, etc. has added a lot to the comic which I wouldnt have been able to achieve if i was just forcing myself to use the same tools, style, and visual language i usually use.

rxcovery wiki page this is what i was replaying the game for! i added a general layout section, touched up the combat section, and added intro quotes for most of the characters. added voica and MetalMagic as well. maybe i'll go touch up the mouth sweet page as well -- i linked to it on the rxcovery page in Haas's section, but it's basically empty. then again, i dont even know how i would format it. it's not as straightforward as rxcovery to organize into a wiki article. i could just make a bigass plot summary, but would that be beneficial or informative? with rxcovery i tried to write the article like a game guide, but mouth sweet isnt about strategy per say. and spoiling the plot wholesale in the wiki article sounds tiring and dry to me.



this time of year is always weird for me. shouldn't i be happy, or at least satisfied? but since the pressure is off i lose my edge, and i dissolve into a mess of self pity and misery. maybe if i maintain more self discipline and put myself to work on my projects this feeling will go away. it feels like i'll never stop being an anxious useless mess, like i'll never have the tools to manage my worst flaws or have any measure of independence. and the more i lower myself into the pit of self loathing, the further i get from developing a healthy outlook on myself and my own life or the ability to function in reality. All i need to do is get out of my own head. i wish break would end sooner so that could come faster.

12/10/2022

back from d. took the train home like last year. more familiar faces this time tho. mom took me grocery shopping right after picking me up lol.

but yeah, just finished ping pong the animation! so so good.

12/8/2022

procrastinating on the very last chunk of work i have to do for the quarter. circuits (monday) and physics (today) finals were a struggle but i think i'll survive. up until the very end of the quarter i was studying like hell for circuits, and coasting thru physics w/ what i remember from hs. i didnt remember enough abt angular momentum and newtonian gravity to feel confident abt the final but eh. whatever

the night before i was working on a drawing until like 2 am and it did unexpectedly poorly, plus my chest dysphoria hit in full force today. i was digging my nails into my skin in the lecture hall like a madman waiting for the test to begin.

the test was really damn long, even though the multiple choice format technically meant less work. i dont fault the prof for doing what he had to do to make grading manageable what with the TA strike, but it was a pain trying to keep track of my progress on diff questions since i was skipping around, not to mention the whole chore of writing my name and id number on every damn page.

i dont fucking care about either grades as long as i pass... i am a bit salty abt uwp and how badly those missing assignments fucked me. like who give a shit.

after i finish these writing assignments im going to continue watching ping pong the animation. i watched the first ep earlier today. ikuhara's energetic directing + taiyo matsumoto's character writing are strong together, plus it's setting up to be a damn good sports anime. another reminder of my pipe dream of a fencing sports anime that is actually good. looking forward to seeing some crazy shit there and my damn winter break!!! im turning 20 in less than a month!! what the shit fuck goddamn

11/27/2022

it's been all of one day and ive already created three small print designs on the two blocks of linoleum i got yesterday. all p simple and sweet bc ive just been sketching directly on the blocks w/o much planning and skipping straight to cutting. the sensation of cutting into the blocks is incredibly satisfying, as is printing the designs. things get kind of messy though, and i think i should've invested in a brayer. ive been using a sponge brush and plastic sheet protectors for inking and it works, but i feel like im wasting ink. if im not careful this is going to consume me for the next two weeks and im going to fail all my finals haha

i think the reason ive been making so much art lately is bc im trying to psych myself up enough to study, but even though i have the energy to work i dont have the motivation to put it towards studying, so its going straight to art instead. on some level i do think of art as work, but making it my actual focus of study/career would ruin me i think. there would no longer be any illusion of balance in my life, where it can at least look like i have distinct interests and hobbies and parts of my life. it would just be making art, or being a lonely loser. even if being an engineering student sucks and i resent it, being an art student might be worse. or maybe im just telling myself that. sour grapes and all that

11/26/2022

was feeling disproportionately and inconsolably upset earlier this week, which flattened into a deceptively serene calm contentment around wednesday. i got unkind and confusing feedback on an essay, i cried and skipped class,i had a brief scare where i thought my computer broke, i got a favorable midterm score back. the ups and downs of the weird half week before thanksgiving break eased into the calm of having very little to do (decided not to go home for break) and ive been lured into too deep a lull, and have done jack shit for three days except doodle or whatever.

been beefing up my inspo pureref while twitter is still running and i can still comb thru my bookmarks. i havent touched the file in a hot minute so it feels weird looking back at what i originally liked. some of it i still connect with, other pieces and parts not so much. mostly i added illustrations and stuff from twitter artists but i also added some great pretender bg screencaps. ive been craving a rewatch but mostly i want to bask in the rush of the atmosphere. i dont care for the plot of the show i just want the blazingly colorful and radiant backgrounds to hit my brain and take me away from the mindnumbing feeling of staying all day in my apartment, obsessing over schoolwork i cant finish and the next meal and like. jerking off or something.

i met up with ppl from U GB over these last few days of break as well. i didnt even talk much to them but it was nice enough i guess. i discovered two new asian markets today downtown bc J showed them to me, where i bought a nice bowl and some tea, and i got some linocut stuff to experiment with today as well. these are all things ive wanted to get for a while but i just feel guilty abt spending money. was the bowl really worth 15$ when i could just ask mom to bring me a bowl from home? do i really drink tea often enough to justify buying so much? realistically these are all purchases i can make without worrying, but it doesnt feel like my money to spend (even though right now it briefly is) and someone in this household needs to save money. my rent and tuition cost enough already

11/19/2022

i finished gogo monster by taiyo matsumoto today! beautiful and sincere work. the only other taiyo matsumoto manga i've finished have been tekkonkinkreet and cats of the lourve, which each have very distinct settings, so the generic japanese school setting of gogo monster feels a bit underwhelming by comparsion, but the characters, story, and figurative elements are very strong on their own. i think i'll have to reread it to formulate meaningful thoughts on it? but i liked the imagery of the black door sequence and yuki's character arc overall, as well as his and makoto's friendship. i'm not sure what to make of IQ as a character... both of he and yuki are very lonely kids with connections to super star and the rest of the other side, but for Yuki those were real, meaningful experiences. he ends up longing for that connection that he lost to Super Star, even if it's imaginary from most other perspectives/interpretations of characters w/in the story and readers as well. although IQ also is aware of the other side, his arc is more about his connection to Yuki and the rabbits, and his role as both an observer of Yuki and foil to him. Yuki's friendship with makoto allows him to let go of super star and escape that isolation from other people, while IQ's arc ends with him letting go of masking his inner self with the box, but he still returns to the rabbit hutch... idk how to interpret that.

writing hard.... bleh

at least i finished my physics midterm! just a few more weeks of hard hw and studying til finals and then im free to go home and fight with my parents again...hooray... i think i did ok on the physics midterm but i def didnt do the first q right and there were less questions, so it might be rough....

ive been playing tboi a bit more recently, and i unlocked the delete this challenge so ive been messing with that lol...

11/17/2022

the clock just struck 12! im turning into a pumpkin! my physics homework is officiallly late and i can only get half credit now!!!! noooo.....

i just finished my big ol circuits midterm so im relaxed now. obviously i still have reasons to be stressed with the physics midterm on friday and all my other assignments, but im just grateful that i dont have to deal with that weird headache i had earlier rn or with studying circuits for a bit. im honestly just happy that i learned and remembered how to solve 2nd order differential equations so quickly. i definitely didnt do well overall on the midterm but i might have done better than average?? maybe?? the guy sitting next to me was complaining super loudly about how confused he was which made me feel a bit better about not knowing everything.

this week labs arent in person or in groups, we're just working from make up data while the TAs are on strike. i guess i'll do that tomorrow, since im used to doing lab work on thursdays now. and if i put it off, i'll never do it in time! plus, it'll help me review for the midterm maybe?? two birds with one stone??

i'm not all that worried anymore, since i got that fat curve on my first physics midterm back. my best grade is now in physics i think? circuits is obviously in the garbage, and if i had to guesstimate off calc's curve and my current grade i think i'm more or less getting by, and uwp took quite a few blows from missing minor assignments. the point scaling in that class feels very off imo...

but yeah, whether i should be or not, i'm nice and relaxed right now. i dont have the energy to be stressed lol

today i learned the literary term "bathos", which refers to when the tone of something takes an abrupt turn from serious and poetic to regular and somewhat silly. junkworldusa's work does this a lot. this one, the interview with a retired horror movie director, has my favorite such ending, but the first comic from junkworldusa that i ever read has one of my favorite buildups. well, maybe it just stuck with me bc it was the first piece of junkworldusa's work i'd ever seen.

anyway im gonna go play tboi or draw or sleep now

11/15/2022

why did i decide to start reading one piece right before two big midterms what the fuck, man. what the fuck, dude (addressed at myself).

this morning while waiting for the bus i was just standing out there reading one piece on my phone for like 45 min before someone came to tell me that the bus service was completely disrupted by the strike. i had to speed walk to class

im on like ch 98 or something, i like the art. oda's strong perspective and compositions act as a foundation for all the crazy and fun shit he does. the pacing is eh though. my favorite characters so far are zoro and usopp. waiting to meet yamato, but he shows up in like ch 971 or some shit ::pensive::

dungeon meshi update! short one but good shit.

i'm behind on like everything in all my classes, but im sleepy so i'll congratulate myself for at least getting most of the way thru some of my assignments due today and go to sleep so i have the energy to study more tmrw (technically today?) :))))) gn

11/12/2022

took some finagling and shit but my random fun button is working :)

only ten possible destinations RN, but i'll be adding more :)
just realized i've only heard people say finagling. i've never had to think abt how that word is spelled until now.
last night at like 1 am drs. set off the fire alarm bc he was trying to heat water and ended up melting my tongs in his pan, so both need to be replaced now. i also gotta buy more tea, i ran out of early grey teabags last night.

11/11/2022

i messed with some of the css for the blog and links page, and set up the art and comics pages to be like this blog. i added css to the error page as well. i think the sidebar thingy is broken on mobile though and idk how to fix it :(

i have a javascript external file for the portal(s) now too. idk what im doing in javascript so i just tried to copy the basic jist of what the rarebit template does with the header and footer, and looked up some other stuff for the mouse event type stuff. there's a lot of stuff that i want to do with this site that i dont know how to do just yet and dont have the time to learn how to do right now. im still happy and excited tho

11/8/2022

After a bit of panicked searching, I found and digitized that outline I mentioned previously, and added onto it a bit as well, adding on like 4 chapters. It really emphasizes how long and fucked up this journey is going to be. each chapter takes a year, and I have 10 chapters in the outline so far, including the three already completed. That's a full decade's worth of work.

I think if i went for the work process i used for chamber by chamber and inked in batches, I could work so much faster. Going page by page makes editing so much worse as well... But that's webcomics life, isn't it? And that's not accounting for school, work, living.

on a less depressing note, i added extra visuals to the links page. I'm really happy with the banner illustration I made for my art gallery. the page itself is currently just a shitty flexbox gallery that looks like shit and doesn't function much better; just putting the images on a blank html page would be better. that, i might replace with something similar to this page, so I can organize the images into subcatergories by year and whether they're fanart. Then again, that format might be better for if i decide to showcase my shorter comics. The hidden portal to this blog was a really fun touch and i'm glad i picked up a new skill with creating that little animation in krita, even if the whole thing is barely functional on mobile.

11/7/2022

waiting for class to start. sitting on the floor at gdt. hall. I was up late last night working on a "links"/portfolio page that I can link to in the "about" section. right now it links to my tumblr and twitter and a broken link for illustrations, but I'll probably keep that page focused on my actual work, not my social medias which are clogged to the brim with retweets and reblogs and what have you.

I also need to revamp my realmjumper outline. right now i have two now outdated google docs that I don't look at or use, and a txt file with the next big scene of chapter 3 scripted in it. the main outline that I want to use moving forward is a bunch of scrap paper from the snv. library taped together haphazardly, one to two scraps per chapter. i think I could replicate that format in pureref, which i think would be ideal. pureref's mallebility is nice, even if writing text in it is ass bc it's meant for images. I will probably also continue using txt files on this laptop for scripting bc google docs is just for school in my eyes now.

11/6/2022

the internet is collapsing into itself so I'm hiding myself away here. trying to make a blog separate from tumblr and twitter so that i can have a space that doesnt feel too open and exposed. cant be assed to pay money to have a second neocities website so im hiding my blog here. lol

im trying to figure out how to make this blog page instead of studying. went to the library and everything today.

i went to the fourth floor to find leisure reading material or whatever for the first time today. had to take the elevator. last year i always thought shd. library only had academic stuff but it was just organized weird this whole time.

there's been this shelf or so of comics on the fourth floor this whole time. found out about it on the reddit. read tezuka's book of human insects today, checked out some other stuff too. [...], taiyo matsumoto's gogo monster, one other title i don't remember

hi its me, "ryugure", this is my personal blog, although im mostly just going to post abt my projects, or manga i've read or some other dork shit here. certain names are abbreviated for privacy reasons. click here to return to the site's main page or here to return to the links page or

for a surprise. even i dont know what the surprise is!